My Beat Goes On..

In Memory of Dakota

It's been three years since I hear the worst words any mother would want to hear, "there's no heartbeat." Each year for our daughter's birthday, we have a worldwide balloon release and candle lighting in her honor. This year isn't any different. My husband and I will load up the kids, go pick out our special balloons, and head off to meet up with other family members at our daughter's forever bed. I'll play a song that reminds me of her and the way I am looking at the way things are. While the song plays, we release our balloons. I stand there watching the balloons disappear from sight while I'm praying she's seeing our efforts to remember.

My heart and soul will mourn her even more, today than any other day. However, I'll push on and continue living my life the best I can. I won't ever forget nor do I want to. The occasional breakdown from her absence is a reminder of how much I love her. Of course, I'll have people giving me what they believe are words of encouragement, but I know better. I just bow my head and pray. I pray for the person who doesn't have a clue. I pray for them because I don't want them to know how those words their speaking have no comforting effects at all. I don't want them to know the pain I hold dear in my heart. 

Yes, I have come to appreciate the pain that overcomes me periodically throughout my life now. It's a reminder of her existence and that's okay.

I refuse to put any pictures I have of her away as some had suggested. I refuse to stop visiting her grave. I choose to honor her, her life, and her memory. So, for today, please join me in remembering my daughter by lighting a candle. Snap a picture and share it with me. You can do this by joining the event on Facebook, emailing it to me, or simply sharing it on my book page. Either way, show me that you chose to honor her, too!!